wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
