you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
