dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
