He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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