When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize