I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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