if you like me you must not know who I am
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
