I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
