make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
