If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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