remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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