Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
