I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
