I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
