She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
