I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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