Will you blow on my dice?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
