I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
