Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
