can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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