Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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