if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
