...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
