Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
