Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
