He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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