My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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