VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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