dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Two words: nipple clamps
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