btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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