Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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