Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
