Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
