If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
