you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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