Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
