At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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