oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
