That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
