Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
