and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
