goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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