so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
