My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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