I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
