I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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