I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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