remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
