A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
