well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
