Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize