The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
