at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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