Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
