you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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