we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
