It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
