either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
