Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
