Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
