I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
