In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
