She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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