I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
