you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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