There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
