he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
