So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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