I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
