i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
