We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
